RATGIRL FEMCEL NEET

2016

my mom had a burnout and is depressed. she blames us. we were never there for her.

i wonder if she feels the way I have for so long. I wonder if she understands me now.

she does not.

i found work, maybe. its gonna suck. but maybe itll be good enough. i had to sell all my warhammer figures for cheap to pay my bills and afford my own food. i also sold my sports equipment.

i dont have any money anymore and im scared. i dont know what im good at. i dont know what to do. i dont know how to exist

I'm a fucking loser called Erika, Unemployed, college drop-out, failure of a daughter, unfuckable and have nothing to look forward to.

Here I journal my empty days and how I'm wasting my fucking life.

I have instruments I don't play, pencils & brushes I don't use, friends I'm scared of talking to and no one to hold.

I watch dumb fucking shows and videos. I've sold all my hobbies just to make rent. I barely brush my teeth once a month. I haven't been to a doctor in a decade.

I'm scared to go outside and all I do is smoke fucking dope to empty my dumb fucking skull.

I fucking hate myself and you should hate me, too.

RATGIRL FEMCEL NEET

A creative writing project that journals my worst years in a heavily edited form.