RATGIRL FEMCEL NEET

2012

i stay up later and wake up later. i havent seen a sunrise this year.

my parents are still mad about everything. my room is being moved to the small attic.

i have savings to live off of for now.

i hate waking up and no one calls me anymore.

i cry at night sometimes and i want it to stop. i dont want this to be my life anymore.

i start cutting again for a brief moment. maybe if the pain was physical people would care. maybe i also deserve the pain as punishment for being a failure. i dont know. i dont know what to do or who i am.

I'm a fucking loser called Erika, Unemployed, college drop-out, failure of a daughter, unfuckable and have nothing to look forward to.

Here I journal my empty days and how I'm wasting my fucking life.

I have instruments I don't play, pencils & brushes I don't use, friends I'm scared of talking to and no one to hold.

I watch dumb fucking shows and videos. I've sold all my hobbies just to make rent. I barely brush my teeth once a month. I haven't been to a doctor in a decade.

I'm scared to go outside and all I do is smoke fucking dope to empty my dumb fucking skull.

I fucking hate myself and you should hate me, too.

RATGIRL FEMCEL NEET

A creative writing project that journals my worst years in a heavily edited form.