2006

it's my last fucking year at this school and im so happy to finally get the fuck out. i've been stuck with dumb bitches who would relentlessly terrorize me if they knew i liked girls. but theres no other people here into alt shit like i am. i had like 1 friend and because im a fucking idiot shes in higher classes and shit. i see her for 20 minutes a day. sometimes. another girl from my last school is here too. i hate her. she keeps talking to the same people i reluctantly have to and they like her so much more.

he still doesnt notice me. i just want some one to be with and feel less alone but i guess im not worth that. he likes me as a friend. which means im too fat and ugly to even be touched. i've already been rejected by him, but i cant help it. hes just better than me, smarter, hes beautiful and im just some dumb bitch who wears black all the time. at this point i would even want to be hit by him. just something. i once hurt myself infront of him and he cared a little. ive cut myself but im scared now. i cant show him this

i graduated and i guess im going out of town now. im never gonna see him again. everyone is going off to do better things then me. everyone is better than me.

one of the dumb bitches is here at the next new school. i gotta kill myself. i cant do this for 2 more years. i fucking cant. ive tried before but i need to now. i cant fucking do this

 

i have to fucking do this